Review of District B13 (2004) by Fraser B — 14 Mar 2009

There's this district in future France, or something, where all these wankers are hanging out, selling drugs and shooting people and killing cops with just a week left until retirement. For some reason everybody in District 13 is really good at running and jumping and climbing over things, so there is a pretty big, heavily guarded wall surrounding it to keep these wankers from pissing off up-standing citizens like you and me.

So it turns out someone is going to try to blow-up District 13, which is not really very cool. I know they're all pricks, obviously, but I bet there's a few nice people living there too, who didn't make the final cut of the film, and anyway terrorism is really not a cool thing to do, in my opinion.

Fortunately there's this bad ass cop dude who is also good at running and jumping and climbing over things. How bad ass, you ask? I'll tell you, is what I'll do. We first see the guy fucking up some gangsters in a room at their super top-secret gangster headquarters, whilst his other police buddies drop him an escape line from a hole in the roof above. So, he beats up a few of this gang, right? He can feel pretty proud of himself - I think he did quite well. I wouldn't have minded at all if he had then decided to make a break for it via his roof rope, but that just isn't good enough for our man on the ground, oh no. Instead, he reloads, and walks back out into the headquarters to fuck up some more gangsters. Now I can't say definitvely, but I'm pretty sure this guy then managed to kill every single other gangster who happened to be off his shift and hanging around in the super secret headquarters that day. There is a lot of gunfire and stuff, a lot of tables get damaged, but this guy isn't phased at all, he just flips around and kicks people on their hands or whatever and disarms and kills them. It's impressive stuff and I must admit I do admire the guy.

Anyway, there is another guy from earlier in the film who is also good at running, jumping, and climbing over things. He is possibly even on par with our friend the policeman. So they team up together and stuff, and more fighting happens.

So yeah District 13 is full of running and jumping and climbing over things and a lot of other action too, but I am bored of writing this review now, so just trust me, it is very nice action and a decent enough film surrounds it all too, which is always a plus, I think.