Review of District 13: Ultimatum (2009) by Marischa B — 15 Nov 2010

It mightn't entirely surprise you that David Belle, creator of 'Parkour' and star of District 13 and this follow up, isn't the finest actor in the galaxy. But then we aren't really here to admire his Uncle Vanya. A human tree frog, Belle makes Jason Bourne look arthritic. All that's required of writer-producer Luc Besson is to spin preposterous, half-arsed plots around Belle's 'running, jumping and rarely standing still' shtick to create 90 minutes of stupefying spectacle, a delirious, laugh-out-loud no-brainer.

But if the original could have benefited from even less story than it actually had, this one's certainly ironed out the problem. "I don't like it when you think", Leito (Belle) cautions supercop partner Damien (Cyril Raffaelli), and the audience, which is absolutely fine with us. This time they attempt to thwart the French secret service, who are killing cops to inflame an already ravaged District, then waiting for it to blow so they can erect penthouses amid the ashes. "It's like Iraq" sneers a gang leader, making the allegory explicit. Actually, it's like Robocop. But who cares about originality when you've got stunts?

Like two halves of some super-evolved organism, if Raffaelli's the upper muscle, Belle's the dancing feet - although it's Damien who disguises himself as a shapely lapdancer to foil the dealers. With so much homoerotic tension here it makes you wonder if all those 'faggot' insults flying around are a smokescreen: at any moment, you can imagine the pair falling to the floor, covering one another with tiny kisses.