Review of Dick Tracy (1990) by Dan P — 18 Mar 2010

And now... MB Reviews Dick Tracy!

Sure enough Turner Classic Movies put on Dick Tracy. I had recently been watching the Cartoon for its Jo Jitsu Asian Detective Action and I now had an urge to see this movie. Now Jack being the only person who shares my opinoins on things, had already seen this movie and warned me directly not to watch it. But damnit Do I ever listen to him? Jack told me my exact opinoin of how I would feel on the movie after I watched it, but I just had to confirm things for myself.

The Movie started similar to the cartoon. But within no time there were a bunch of hideous Freaks. I soon realised that this movie was trying to be Realistic, while at the Same time being true to the Cartoon, and using a realistic enviroment, but sticking to the cartoon designs amplified on real people in mature situations. How rude.

Anyway, The movie started off pretty lame. Some Mutants I had never heard of showed up. And they were quickly disperesed by a disturbingly realistic version of Flat Top. who then proceeded to use Cartoon Violence to write a message in a wall. Jesus mazinchrist. How many bullets did he waste on that? And beyond that the money it took to pay for them? uggg. Anyway, Stuf happened. Another Freaky Disturbing mutant was killed by the Freaky Disturbing Mutant Mafia, Dick Tracy was on the case, but called a Crazy Maverick Detective. Then one thing leads to another, and Madonna shows up.

Madonna plays a Singing whore. I bet she must have speant years training for this roll. She pulls it off quite well. The Singing whore tries to use her whore powers on Tracy, but he only digs the classy dames, so she just spends the rest of the movie singing. And being a whore from time to time, for old times sake.

Finally There comes a highlight! My Cartoon Hero! Itchy! Alive and suprisingly similar to how I imagined him. Itchy was a hell of a guy on the Cartoon. Sure he was a villian, but he looked Exactly like Dilbert! and he never really did anything that wrong. He was just your typical Angry Crime related Dilbert. Ahh Itchy was wonderous. They enhanced him with a Bright Blue suit. I have to admit it worked pretty good. Anyway Crap happens, Prunce Face shows up, but his face isnt purple. Itchy does some amazing stuf And he even uses his Cartoon power of talking in a Sexy Woman voice. Yep that was Itchy's devastating super power. A Sexy Woman voice. But Damnit! He was so swanky while doing it! Anyway more crap happened. Tracy was arrested. The mob was destroyed. And Itchy almost got to first base with a woman! Go Itchy! Then some lame Childhood relation character declared himself Dick Tracy Jr. Tracy's girlfriend was kidnapped. And one thing lead to another. In the thrilling climax. BUT THEN! TRAGEDY STRUCK!!!

Itchy. My hero. WAS KILLED!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo............

Itchy! Why!? So young! So Senseless! But he died a valient death. Now I feel I must sing a song..

Itchy. Oh Itchy!

Why'd ya have to die in such a way that was bitchy!

You didnt die by choice!

But you used your sexy woman voice!

Oh Itchy! our Hero Itchy!

Why'd he have to get killed by that son of a bitchy!

Oooooh ITCHY!!!!

Sigh. Itchy. Ill always remember you.

Oh yea the review. Long Story short A ok movie with An Ok Story, Some funny moments. but a really wierd style. Im suprised they never did a sequel. Infact they should do a sequel. "Dick Tracy 2: Tracy vs. Jo Jitsu" I give it a 79!