Review of Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017) by Funnymystical — 15 Sep 2022

The game begins in Spiral Mountain, the home of the Bear and Bird, when Gruntilda – a witch with a penchant for a rhyming couplet – kidnaps Banjo’s sister Tooty in order to steal her ‘beauty’. Shocked and outraged, the furry and feathered duo set out to retrieve Tooty and teach Grunty a good lesson in the process. To do this they must battle through Grunty’s lair, fighting her countless minions, exploring many strange and enchanting levels, and destroying each of her various musically-sealed doors – the favoured defence mechanism of old hags, apparently.

Those doors gate progress through the lair overworld, and breaking those seals involves collecting musical notes scattered throughout the game’s nine levels — 100 on each. Of course, they can’t simply wander around collecting quavers; the devious Gruntilda has made sure that their adventure is packed with many obstacles and perils. The duo must first unlock those levels, each one sealed by that other renowned resource witches commonly use, jigsaw pieces (we’re not making this up, honest). Along with the notes, you also have to gather the 10 jigsaw pieces – affectionately known as ‘Jiggys’ – which are used to fill in picture and unlock news worlds, and so on.

The levels are incredibly charming, and they are all exceptionally diverse and well-designed; you’ll go from a mountain range, to a beach, swamp, desert, winter wonderland, cemetery, ship, forest, before partaking (famously) in a life-or-death quiz. On paper, it's all standard stuff, but it's shot through with a wondrous fairytale atmosphere, aided by an incredible soundtrack from Grant Kirkhope. The music beautifully mixes jaunty comedy with wonder and some Brothers Grimm-style darkness, although the cheeky humour of the script and the overwhelming colour of the world keeps this resolutely family-friendly.