Review of Dawn of the Dead (2004) by Aznassassin — 25 Oct 2012

Okay, first and foremost, the zombies themselves have issues. They DONT behave like zombies. They REACT to injury. Minor injuries can CRIPPLE them. They can PICK UP things and USE things. They can think for crying out loud.

They can RUN. And why is the incubation period so erratically different its ridiculous. The protagonist's husband who is bitten at the start of the movie turns like a few seconds whereas another character who I wont mention to avoid spoiling the plot turns after what seems like a WEEK after being bitten.

Its ridiculous. Oh and get what, BURNING zombies kills them. I can hear people cutting themselves to that/ Pro tip to those out there who dont know how to the survive the zombie apocalypse: Zombies are DEAD people who are infected with a BLOOD-BORNE virus (though this is debatable in other variations) that kills the host and takes control of their body after they are deceased.

They want to feast on ALL living things INCLUDING animals. They are slow and can at best, jog if a prey attracts them. They can grab for things mindlessly but they CANT open doors, use weapons or pick up things, Zack Snyder! Nor can they be CRIPPLE by minor wounds like gunshots - they DONT feel PAIN, they're DEAD.

Oh and Mr Snyder, the makeup of the zombies, why do they look like HUMANS instead of badly mauled walking corpses? The lines are horrible at times while at other instances they're brilliantly written.

There are some tense moments but in most cases, you'll be just yelling at the screen and be utterly frustrated at how ridiculously naive, dumb and stupid the characters are. Seriously. For instance, stupidity No.

1: NO ONE knew what made the people turn into zombies despite many of them seeing people get bitten and turning e.g the protagonist's husband. Not only until around 1/3 of the way into the movie do the main characters realize "Oh maybe its the bite?" *facepalm* You are tell obviously who's gonna die (and they do) and you'll be cutting yourself at the most stupidass things the characters would do.

WHY, WHY would you GO AFTER your DOG amidst the HUNDREDS of zombies that want to EAT you IF you know they WONT hurt your dog? Srsly that thing there, is what caused the plot to climax and end as it did.

Had that certain character NOT gone after her dog and stayed with the plan, I am sure NO ONE would've been killed. And WHY do the characters just use **** pistols and shotguns? You have a GUNSTORE for God's sakes, there are things called RIFLES that are MORE accurate and also automatic & semi-automatic weapons all with a crapload of ammo.

Why not just clear the streets? Why not use the damn rifles? Seriously the ENTIRE movie, they just stick to horrible horrible pistols (GLOCKS just damn GLOCKS for crying out loud. There must be Desert Eagles and M9's lying around in the store!) and those mediocre cop shotguns.

Had they used a M16, M4A1 Carbine, SAW machine gun or hell even a plain old Lee Einfield, I am sure everyone would've survived. This is a movie that you watch drunk with your buddies on a Friday night.

You'll probably watch it and forget about it, and probably switch to playing Left 4 Dead. The original 1970's Dawn of the Dead is vastly superior despite the outdated makeup effects. Watch that. Avoid this insult to the zombie canon pile of excrement at all costs.

Hell even the ending is lacking. A braindead film that absolutely wont want to feast upon.