Review of Dark Phoenix (2019) by Movieznp — 08 Oct 2019

Oh, man! Never thought an X-Men movie would be so f**king awful. .

Good : The ensemble cast. In particular James McAvoy. He really tries hard to save this movie. Some really short sequences were fine, just because it had Fassbender and McAvoy. And, that's all about that. .

Bad : HOLY F**KING S**T! I hate this movie. I F**KING HATE THIS MOVIE!!! Who the f**k greenlit this piece of s**t?!! The story doesn't make sense - if you can say it has a story. Everything is basically a f**king rehash of everything that was wrong with X-Men: The Last Stand. I mean what the f**k?! I have no real problem with the First Class cast not aging, I can simply enjoy the story, ignoring how they look. The major problem I had with this f**king s**t is that it f**king tries to retcon Days of Future Past and Logan, staying in the timeline set by DoFP. What's the f**king logic there? I mean, what was Simon Kinberg smoking when he was writing this monkey a$$ of a movie? DoFP was supposed to retcon the two s**t films - Last Stand and Origins, right? Why am I calling them s**t? They are f**king Citizen Kane and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly compared to this f**kery! This rat's a$$ of a film kills Raven, retconning the first two films! Alright, I can take that bulls**t. Then, it shows Professor X retiring, with Beast taking his position! What?!!! How does that hold up DoFP? That's a gigantic and the most unforgivable plothole that it generates. The opening sequence is something that a 10 year old can write, 200x better that is. Magneto is too forced, lacks a motive and changes his mind really quickly. He was introduced well with first three films, and had a really great arc in First Class. After that, there wasn't much to him. I didn't hate what he was in Apocalypse and DoFP, but this one is just bonkers! I, sort of, remember watching some storylines on Phoenix in the animated series, and it was better than this dumba$$ery. And that was a cartoon and obviously was cartoonish, but way less cartoonish than this blant f**kery! There are a lot of scenes taken from Last Stand and dumbed down at least 2 million times. Raven is human - Raven dies. There's a house to house action scene, which makes me like Last Stand even more. Phoenix gets killed - Phoenix gets pseudo-killed. Whole bunch of new mutants who serve zero purpose. I can go on and on. The dialogues are f**king cringe-worthy! "Since all the women are helping the men out here, better change the name to X-Women" or some d**k sauce of a line - that's in the movie man. Unbelievable! Also, all Beast does is give First Class references. Guess what, motherf**ker? First Class references don't make your s**thead of a film as great as First Class! Cyclops is a f**king dummy. His f bomb was a bomb that emitted laughing gas. Is there anything left? Nope. There's it, people. I summarized the entire monkey d**k of a movie. .

Conclusion : F**k this movie!!!! If you're an X-Men fan, stay away from this suck-a$$ery of a cringe-fest. .

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