Review of Cyrano de Bergerac (1990) by Jesse B — 21 Jun 2006

Cyrano is a badass. No joke. In fact, he probably was the precursor to the best emcees of today, as well as perfecting the art of the rap battle. Can you compose a ballad whilst sword fighting? No, probably not. That?s why Cyrano is the bad mofo that he is. He does have his faults, however. Allow me to explain?

Cyrano is a famed poet, who has many enemies, mostly because he can rip apart their verses and their acting skills on the mic, and he embarrasses these suckas with both style and grace. But no man has the courage to speak of Cyrano?s grotesquely huge nose, lest they wish to receive a great ass-whipping from Cyrano. This nose is the only thing, at least in Cyrano?s mind, that does not allow him to approach the only woman he truly loves, his cousin Roxanne. Meanwhile, Roxanne has her eye on a pretty boy named Christian, who posses the good looks she desires but limited brain power.

Roxanne requests that Cyrano have Christian write to her, but Christian ? give him a little credit here ? knows that he?s a brainless twit. Cyrano suggests that together, with Christian?s good looks and Cyrano?s street flow, they can win Roxanne?s heart. A Bionic Romancer, if you will. And yes, I thought of that myself. Now, the story has many more wrinkles than what I have written about. The villain of the story is represented in de Guiche, who, when he is not trying to court Roxanne, spends the majority of his time on screen being an assclown. He?s very good at it, I might add.

You should know that the entire film is in French, with the appropriate subtitles. But if you're like me and took a few years of French in high school, then you can relish the fact that you can understand some of the dialogue. Indeed, the French word for nose is ?nez.? See what you can learn everyday?

Trust me when I tell you that ?Cyrano de Bergerac? is a great film. Honestly, it?s near the top of my figurative Top 10 list that I?ve yet to compile, among the likes of ?Boyz N the Hood,? and assorted action films. The action sequences were on, the acting was superb, and the poetry would even make ?Pac jealous. Check it out.