Review of Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life (2005) by Theodore F — 27 Nov 2008

It's about this guy in high school who has a nice life and everything; smart hot girlfriend, good swimming prospect, kind parents ect. But then, as every teenager does, he gets an urge to have a little search on the internet for...PORN! Oh yes, porn. Instead of doing math homework, he's there jacking off to porn, dirty bugger.

But, it gets worse. He can't give it up. He needs more, and more, and more. Instead of doing swimming practice, he's on his girlfriends PDA looking at naked females. He's hacking through the school library's firewall just to look at porn. His little brother gets ahold of it on the PC, and accidentally sends a file out to everyone on his e-mail list. So all his friends at school are getting junk e-mails containing porn, from him.

It's ruining his life, he's addicted, but he can't admit it. His girlfriends dumps him, he gets dropped from the swim team, he has Saturday morning detention for 2 months, he's grounded, can it get any worse? Yes, it can. His computer is TAKEN AWAY from him! Yep, no more porn for the guy, tough break. But, he's not gonna stop it. Oh no, one 3am morning, he steals his mum's credit card, gets the internet access back and BUYS porn online, he's that desperate for it.

Eventually, he comes across this website of a girl at his school, and she's stripping off in front of her web cam and stuff. He finds out he can arrange to meet her and, y'know, get down and dirty. He does, they arrange, and hey presto, he's getting what he's always wanted. He goes to her house, into this girls parents bedroom, and start to strip and everything. She's unbuckled his belt, but he wants to take it slower. She goes slower, but this isn't what he imagined it to be. This girl freaks out, as she's never been turned down before, and starts smacking him, so he runs off. The girl is so distraught, she smacks her forehead down on the bathroom worktop, and she starts to bleed and pass out.

But she blames this on the guy, telling her boyfriend he smacked her up. So, he gets an innocent thrashing. He's bruised up, hurting, and finally comes to terms with his addiction to porn. But, he thinks he can't overcome it. So he jumps into the swimming pool and attempts to kill himself. His whole life flashes before his eyes, and just at the last minute, he picks his head up and shakes it just he would after he's won a swimming race. He goes and apologises to his ex girlfriend, they reconcile, and he's on the path to overcoming his problem, such a happy ending...

Yeah, it was pretty awful, but still rather hilarious. The film goes over the line of trying too hard to get its points across that it's just blatantly offensive storytelling. The guy is a moron, you just wouldn't turn down this woman, no-one would, at all, seriously. With his problem, you just don't. Plus, he was looking at horriblly tame sites, I've seen worse on Nickelodeon. So yeah, bad movie, but funny as hell, and got some hotness in it. I have no idea why I typed this much, sorry.