Review of Cutthroat Island (1995) by Julien L — 29 Apr 2008

You know...I think I actually enjoy writing bad reviews more than good ones. I wonder what that says about me?

Anyhow, Cutthroat Island lands solidly in the "bad review" category. It gleefully indulges in every movie cliche possible. These include but are not limited to: bad writing, even worse acting, a forgettable score, cookie cutter characters, plot contrivances that are more than 20 years old, about a zillion too many puns, and a zany monkey companion. Matthew Modine plays a man of many talents in this movie, unfortunitly, acting isn't one of them. He delivers his lines like he's acting in a high school drama. The rest of the characters aren't far behind either. The main villain is as one dimensional as they come. He has no discernible depth and his only motivation seems to be "I'm the bad guy." It's too bad too because some of the cinematography is beautiful and pirates are always good fun when it comes to movies.

If only someone took some of the ideas here, hired real actors, got a script that was actually well written (and contained 99% fewer puns), and added some character with depth, they could have a good movie on their hands.

OH WAIT! They already did that! It's called Pirates of the Caribbean (even though they kept the zany monkey). Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go watch that instead...if you want to see how far pirate movies have come in the last 10 years than this might be worth checking out. If you're more interested in being entertained though, you're more than welcome to come watch Pirates with me.