Review of Cry-Baby (1990) by Aaron N — 11 Jan 2009

Cry-Baby: That's right, Allison. My father was the "Alphabet Bomber." He may have been crazy, but he was my pop. Only one I ever had.

Allison: God. I heard about the Alphabet Bomber. Bombs exploding in the... in the airport and barber shop...

Cry-Baby: That's right. All in alphabetical order. Car wash... drug store... I used to lay in my crib and hear him scream in his sleep..."A,B,C,D,E,F,G... BOOM! BOOM!".

Allison: But your mom...

Cry-Baby: My mother tried to stop him. She couldn't even spell, for Christ's sake, but they fried her too.

A movie by John Waters is always gonna be weird, but I really got into this one.

Its a wild and fun satire on 50s set musicals like Grease (which I hate, making me love this movie more) and old Elvis movies.

It stars Johnny Depp as the dreamy "Drape" who sets to change a town divided between the Drapes and the Squares.

It has a few musical numbers, bizarre humor, and strange characters, but I really enjoyed it.

Baldwin: You think you're a big man, Cry-Baby, but you're lower than your dead father! And guess who pulled the switch on that jerk? My grandpappy, that's who! And every Christmas since, my whole family gathers together and he retells the story of the day he electrocuted your daddy, and we just laugh!

Hatchet Face: Let me punch his ugly face!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: It's okay, Hatchet. You're beautiful, baby. But I'll take care of this maggot! Do you know how to play the automobile game called Chicken?

Baldwin: Sure! My car and your jalopy! We head toward one other at full speed. First one to turn the wheel before we smash is a chicken!

The Judge: Is that legal?

Mrs. Vernon-Williams, Allison's Grandmother: Stop this insanity!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: I got some new rules, sucker! How 'bout you and me on top of the car?

Baldwin: [hesitates] I'm man enough, you big cry baby!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: That's "Mr. Baby" to you! Fellas of the press, this chicken race tonight is for my daddy. And I'd like to sing something in his memory. Something hill-billy... something colored!

[Baldwin groans].

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: Something my daddy would have loved!