Review of Criminal (2016) by Benjamin L — 27 Apr 2016

MOVIE REVIEW:

CRIMINAL.

Film makers have dick measuring contest; we all lose...

D+.

Holy crap....what the fuck? Let me rephrase that; what the fuck?

I did some research and found out how this got made. It seems that just before the fall of the Third Reich, Nazi Scientists had a giant flatulence powered U-Boat built that housed 50,000 monkeys that were infected with syphilis. They gave each of the monkeys a crayon with a Big Chief tablet and sent the sub down to the deepest depths of the ocean. The submarine recently resurfaced off the coast of California. Some honchoes out of Hollywood got ahold of the Big Chief tablets and the result is this movie. The only reason it got as high as a D+ was the somewhat fun in watching Jones/Oldman/Costner chew the scenery up....

Don't worry though, the monkeys survived and are all now working on Donald Trump's campaign for President; so at least we got that going for us...