Review of Criminal (2016) by Patrick L — 29 Jan 2017

"Criminal is without a doubt one of the most ludicrously plotted action thrillers in many a moon".

DVD Movie Review: Criminal.

Date Viewed: August 8 2016.

Directed By Ariel Vromen (The Iceman).

Written By Douglas Cook and David Weisberg.

Starring: Kevin Costner, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Oldman, Alice Eve, Gal Gadot, Jordi Molla, Ryan Reynolds, Michael Pitt, Antje Traue, Scott Adkins, Amaury Nolasco, Colin Salmon, Tommy Hatto and Richard Reid.

"Criminal" is without a doubt one of the most ludicrously plotted action thrillers in many a moon. The film is about a dangerous convict who gets implanted with a dead CIA agent's memories and is tasked in completing his mission. Come on, are these people brain-dead? Why not just assign a big muscle-bound guy like Dwayne Johnson to complete the mission? He will end the movie faster. It is dumb and silly but what makes "Criminal" criminally involving is Kevin Costner's performance. His character is such a gruff bad-ass, he has little regard for anyone who makes contact with him but when he gets implanted with the dead CIA agent's memories, he has a change of heart, he gets "Bourne-like" fighting skills and becomes another tough Liam Neeson wannabe.

Costner is credible in "Criminal" but the rest of the cast isn't. Costner is surrounded by a huge ensemble cast which includes new "Wonder Woman" Gal Gadot, "Deadpool" himself Ryan Reynolds who portrays the dead CIA operative, Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Oldman. Costner has a little reunion of sorts between Oldman and Jones because they previously shared the screen together in Oliver Stone's "JFK" 25 years ago. Gal Gadot doesn't have much to do as the dead agent's wife, Oldman hams it up as a CIA supervisor with the unusual name of Quaker Wells and Jones just phones it in. As for Reynolds, he's in it very little, no wonder he must've wanted to escape from this movie pretty bad.

Costner plays Jericho Stewart, a death-row inmate who has little regard for the law and human life. However, he gets a chance at freedom when Dr. Mahal Franks (Jones) requests him to be part of a special procedure. The CIA wants Dr. Franks to use Jericho to implant the memories of dead CIA agent, Bill Pope (Reynolds) into his brain. Pope was tasked in London to protect a hacker known as the Dutchman (Michael Pitt) and get him to a safehouse. Why is protecting this hacker important for the CIA, that's because he used to be an associate of millionaire industrialist now turned anarchist Xavier Heimdahl (Jordi Molla).

Heimdahl wanted the Dutchman to create a special computer flashdrive that would allow the owner to bypass all the codes that protect world's nuclear defense codes but he panicked and now plans to hand his over his secret to the CIA. Unfortunately, Heimdahl and his men manage to find Pope where they torture him to death. Don't feel bad Reynolds guys, at least "Deadpool" saved his career.

So now the CIA has no choice but to implant his memories into a death-row inmate because they couldn't find James Bond, Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel or The Expendables to fill in Jericho's shoes. The procedure becomes unsuccessful for the agency and Jericho still behaves like his usual self but he starts to have flashbacks of Pope's assignment and his wife, Jill Pope (Gadot) and daughter. CIA bureau chief Quaker Wells (Oldman) says it's time to "take out the trash" by sending Jericho back to prison but he escapes and goes into hiding at Pope's house which terrifies Jill.

The anarchist Heimdahl also wants Jericho's memories so Jericho becomes the target of both the CIA and Heimdahl and his henchmen. Eventually, Jericho comes back to the Pope household where Jill comes to accept him and his unbelievable story. Normally I would leave my brain at the door and accept a silly premise such as this and enjoy a B-movie thriller for what it is but I found "Criminal" to be totally implausible on every frame.

The screenplay by the late Douglas Cook and David Weisberg (The Rock and Double Jeopardy) doesn't make much sense but the action here is competently handled by director Ariel Vromen who previously made "The Iceman", the little 2013 thriller where Michael Shannon played a cold-blooded hitman. Throughout the mid-1990s, Costner was labeled as a wooden actor and box office poison for making "Wyatt Earp", "Waterworld", "The Postman" and "Message in a Bottle" but now Costner is becoming a more compelling actor even though some of his film choices range from traditional sports movies to non-Liam Neeson action thrillers and "Man of Steel".

Is "Criminal" criminally bad. Yes. You cannot deny that it is "stoo-pid" but Kevin Costner's bad-ass performance is the best thing about this stinker.