Review of Creature Unknown (2004) by Craig P — 12 May 2014

The body can only take so much B-movie viewing before it starts to breakdown. The skin starts to blister, old wounds open back up and the ears become engulfed in flames. I'm just kidding, but that would be awesome if that were true.

[center]Blood Gnome[/center].

[left]This movie had way too much crap in it. It should have just been the little demon creatures doing crazy antics like in Gremlins. There are many reasons why these cannot be gnomes, as gnomes are cheerful, ride on foxes, and have pointy hats. The creatures were invisible to the human eye cough low budget cough. The reason it is rated so low is because of all BSDM sex scenes, which are everywhere, otherwise it would have been fantastic.[/left].

[center]666 Demon Child[/center].

[left]Worst movie ever. I thought it would be a winner as the opening credits came fast and were in your face. First a 6, then another 6, and just when you thought they didn't have it in them another fricken 6! Then it went down faster than Paris Hilton on X. The 'child' looked like the Baby from the tv series Dinosaurs, just with horns on it. It would not shut the hell up! I would rather go through childbirth than listen to it whine for another hour and a half.[/left].

[center]Creature Unknown[/center].

[left]Apparently the most terrifying creature in the world is the Bearded Dragon. Nothing is more voracious than a two foot long omnivorus reptile. They are one of the most docile creatures in the world. But when combined with the DNA of a human, it becomes a slimey killing machine. This was one of those movies where everyone should have died. The supposed twists were found within the first few minutes.[/left].