Review of Crank (2006) by Bill M — 30 Jan 2011

Do I look like I have CUNT written across my forhead? (note that the word cunt actualy apears on jason stathams forhead at this point) this unbelievably demented, indescribable action film is "the staths" definative starring role and has marked him out as the action star of this generation, he has succeded in what vin diesal and the rock completly failed to live up to, to give the noughties it's standout, badass answer to arnie, stallone or bruce willis, and yet crank is entirely it's own crazed thing, it's almost not even an action movie, more a surreal piece of mental, gonzo black comedy, and statham is an action star like no other, fearless (he hangs out of a real helicopter with no fucking harness on thousands of feet above a city whilst having a brawl!) mad and ferociously dedicated to go "there" with anything put in front of him (including a "did that really just happen"? public sex scene in the middle of chinatown whilst hundreds watch and cheer) and with his particular cockney grit, both him and the film go places you cant believe, crank is like a computer game as a film, This is the closest you will come to grand theft auto on the big screen.

Mental, relentless and even experimental, with cheap handheld digital cameras being held by rollerblading cameramen to catch statham as he races against time to keep his energy levels up so his heart doesnt stop (he's been injected with some "chinnese shit" that will slow down his heart rate to zero, so he fights, runs, fucks and causes as much energetic citywide chaos as he can, just to keep alive long enough to kill those who did this to him) you have to see this insane, "what the fuck was that"? film for yourself.