Review of Cradle of Fear (2001) by Braden A — 15 Dec 2003

I've been up way too late, and I think I'm getting weird an delusional (pay no attention to the time. It's a day and several hours off- last I checked anyway). I saw Cradle of Fear expecting a lot of gore and nudity.

..and that's what I got, along with a lot of really good laughs. I don't think that was the intention of the film...then again, anyone who takes Cradle of Filth seriously should have his or her esophogus cut out and be hung with it.

They're not here to lure you into the firey pits of Hell, and the movie...well...exemplifies that (unless you're blind, you little mall goth). The scene where Dani- sorry!- The Man [i]drinks[/i] a [i]cat[/i] was a great example.

Now, I am a veggitarian, animal rights activist who cringed when I saw all the dead cats in Stephen King's [i]Sleepwalkers. [/i]The fact that I could not stop laughing when Dani repeatedly stabbed the cat- about 11 or 12 times, which is more than enough to kill it even as it continued to meow with the cheap, overused cat sound effects (takes a breath)- is really [i]really[/i] sad.

..no, funny. But, was the movie really that bad? No! It was so bad, it was great! To make it even better, 95% of the characters who died deserved it- all except the old man. No matter. He got his revenge in the end.

This movie actually has a plot, too! It's not just senseless gore and boobs...okay, yeah it is, but there is a little bit of a plot in there, and it's actually pretty good. It's all about revenge and how bad people always seem to get bit in the end.

For example, bring home strange men, spiders jump out of your stomach and eat your closet-lesbian friend's face off. Steal an old friend's leg to use as your own, leg kills your extremely hot girlfriend.

Kill people on the internet, internet kills you (I wish that site were real though). Anyway, I'm off to bed. Nighty night everyone!