Review of Cosmopolis (2012) by Sgt. C — 05 Mar 2015

(16%).

I wanted to like this I really did: a David Cronenberg crafted poke in the eye at big business capitalism with surreal twists and turns, satire, black humour, bite; but heavens above, this is an almost impossible film to enjoy, take anything from, or in most cases even make it until the end credits. I can't remember the last time a film that I wanted to see left me as cold as this one did. The over-riding focus here is on Robert Pattinson's character: a man who, like everyone else in the entire film, talks in pointless and annoying circles of pointless baggy gibberish that goes nowhere. Some, if not many of the lines are so terrible that it actually hurts, and I could dig deep into the depths of the hidden meanings and ideas, but quite honestly I'd rather remove my own finer nails with a pair of pilers because the film just isn't good enough for me to care. After not very long at all into this you can tell this is based off a novel deemed by most as totally unfilmable, as there's no real narrative anywhere, all the characters behave in a manner that make mental patients appear sane, while not one of them is interesting enough to make me care about what happens; of course, not that anything of any note does actually happen. Any die-hard Cronenberg fans out there I'm sorry to report that this is near unwatchable pretentious garbage of the highest order.