Review of Cosmopolis (2012) by Everett J — 26 Feb 2013

I'm a fan of what my wife calls "weird movies". Ones that are very different, and offer something original compared to a lot of the regular Hollywood fare. But every now and then I watch something that just makes me scratch my head and say "damn that sucked".

"Cosmopolis" is one of those films. Directed by David Croenberg("History of Violence", which is awesome) and starring Robert Pattinson, comes a movie that makes absolutely no sense.

All I can say is it's about a rich asshole(Pattinson) in a limo on the way to get a haircut, and his day goes from bad to worse. He's completely un-relateable, and he speaks in these stupid monologues that are all over the place.

At one point in the movie he is rambling about violence, and shoots himself in the hand. Made no sense, was out of nowhere, and didn't really have any impact on the movie whatsoever. Pattinson, to me, is a terrible actor.

He's been in a couple decent movies("Remember Me" and "Water for Elephants" were both just ok), but he was bad in those also. He is wooden, has no charisma, and is overall boring.

When the movie started I thought maybe, just maybe this would be the movie where I go "Ok, I get it. I see why people like him." But when it was over, I said "nope, he still sucks".

Paul Giamatti shows up towards the end in another stupid role, where he just talks to Pattinson about a whole lot of nothing. I usually love Giamatti, but here, he is just as bad and looks like he doesn't wanna be in this movie whatsoever.

This is easily one of the worst movies of 2012, and something I wish I could just forget. Don't waste your time on this. But if you do, and you like it, please let me know what you liked about it.

Other than one song that is played between scenes, I can't think of anything I liked in this at all.