Review of Cooties (2014) by Anthony L — 24 Nov 2015

"Oh, you'll sneak around, huh? Sneak around like a little Hobbit. No way! I'm taking the fight to them like a fuckin' Orc!".

A mysterious virus hits an isolated elementary school, transforming the kids into a feral swarm of mass savages. An unlikely hero must lead a motley band of teachers in the fight of their lives. [IMDb].

I really wanted to love Cooties but unfortunately, it ended up being one of the biggest disappointments of the year. It doesn't work as a horror film because it's not scary whatsoever and as a comedy, the jokes are few and far between. I laughed out loud once for sure, maybe twice but it was a major let down in the end. I was so pumped to see this. With a great comedic cast and a hilariously wack premise, how do you fuck this up?

I feel like the writers didn't know where to go after the half-way point so they rushed everything to the most abrupt ending of a film I've seen all year. What the fuck was that horseshit? It annoys me how dull and uninspired this movie is. Cooties should be a fun and hilarious horror comedy but so much goes wrong that by the time you see Rainn Wilson charge through a group of zombie kids, the film has reached its peak. It never gets better than that.

The two elements that keep Cooties from being a total zero is the cast. Each player in the game is enjoyable to watch. Rainn Wilson is the fucking man in this and it's easily the best part of the whole film. And also, the blood and gore effects were top quality, which showed some well-done brutality. Not enough to save the film whatsoever but definitely the most admirable parts of Cooties.

I'm not gonna recommend this one because it mainly feels like the biggest missed opportunity for a solid horror comedy and that pisses me off. Cooties could have and should have been better but it simply isn't and for that, I suggest skipping this one. Nothing to see here, folks.