Review of Constantine (2005) by Tonypolito — 18 Aug 2010
Who 'ya gonna call? Demon-busters! A Keanu Reeves film supplying 100% of the visually stimulating look and stylings of "The Matrix," but 0% of its intellectual/logical content/plotline.
Keanu's a slightly noir-styled hunter of The Devil's Minions, who are scattered about the grittier alleyways of nighttime L.A. Keanu already owes his soul to the Eternal Pawnbroker, but Keanu's hoping for Heavenly reprieve by bagging a bunch of bad boys before his one-way ticket to InfernoLand gets punched. Soon enough, Keanu's trying to prevent Lucifer from bringing his son into this world for an apocalyptic Father's Day picnic.
There's not a single drop of action or plot making any logical sense beyond that. Endless eye-candy action that constantly raises viewer questions: How he'd know to do that?-Where did that come from?-Why did he go there?-What did that accomplish?-How did that happen?-What does THAT thing do? Keanu has the power to blast away Evil Incarnate with a awesome-looking golden machine gun shaped like The Cross, but why the heck that actually works, or how the good guys knew to build it, is anyone's guess. Still, watching Keanu use it is far more entertaining than hours of playing Doom or Duke Nukem.
Interestingly, Satan (Peter Stormare) is a psycho Truman Capote with tribal tattoos running up his neck - and Gabriel's a smart-mouthed female angel (Tilda Swinson) who's seen as breast-less, thanks to excessive application of Ace bandages.
The film makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but visually it's essentially "Satan's Matrix" - and that's going to be more than enough to score big-time with a lot of viewers.
RECOMMENDATION: Don't think about it too much - well, don't think about it at all, really. Just watch it, and you'll be fine.
This review of Constantine (2005) was written by Tonypolito on 18 Aug 2010.
Constantine has generally received positive reviews.
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