Review of Conan the Destroyer (1984) by Elliott F — 29 Aug 2008

Lame sequel lacks the adult harshness, epic quality, and authentic barbarous texture of the original, with its elemental masculine profundity replaced by puerile attempts at humor, glossy plastic-looking sets, and a generally annoying, cutesy Disney theme park ride sensibility.

Schwarzenegger barely manages to carry the picture through its 100 groan-inducing minutes of sorcerous silliness as little Olivia D'Abo pines after his oily pecs and Grace Jones sneers and snarls at everybody. At least the giant slimy pagan god, when it comes to life at the end of the movie, is pretty nifty looking. Otherwise, not much to recommend this one.