Review of Conan the Barbarian (2011) by Mrdlandreth — 29 Aug 2011

Wow! Anyone who rated this above me is delusional. To my utmost disappointment, this movie fails on every mark. Primarily the writing, screenplay, and direction drive the rest of this film crew's hard work into the ground like an atom bomb. I am only taking a guess but I think the dialogue must only have taken up a fraction of the film's running time and what it used it did not use well at all.

It's truly sad to think about what we could have done with the 120 Million dollars that were wasted on this production. Right now the box office numbers are proving my point - I just hope producers see it as an omen. Bad story telling, forgettable music scores, and theatrics that cater to a 3D ride will likely cost them money rather than making it rain.

But you might say hey you're being too critical! After all it is suppose to be entertainment and the 1982 movie is not that good either." However they would be wrong. Milius and Stone's film had much charm despite the small budget, low amount of dialogue in the film and the acting skill of it's main star. The stark yet charming screenplay, cinematography that flowed with the exciting rhythm of a now iconic Hollywood music score pushed this film to become a much beloved cult classic. So much in fact, Lionsgate must truly believed they could make a profitable movie will disregarding some key elements of what makes a good film.

I was hoping to see a film that was a much closer representation of Howard's Conan but instead Lionsgate gave us fans a poor rehash of the 1982 film with the familiar brutish, simple-minded barbarian and dolled up in expensive effects. But not only that, the filmakers strived to put us on a 3D ride rather than give us any true theatrics and drama that made it's predecessor so much more than an action film.

If it were me in those producers seats I would have just said make "Hour of the Dragon" because it contains many of the story elements present in the new film, yet in the book they were much more carefully thought through.