Review of Conan the Barbarian (1982) by Dougal S — 12 Mar 2011

Before he was a major star and way before he was making stupid comedies Arnie was turning out big budget B-movie fare like this and highly enjoyable it turns out to be too. Sure the script is hammy, some of the acting somewhat wooden and the effects are occasionally laughable but underneath lies a wonderful romp through the swords and sandals genre.

The story involves Conan's tribe being wiped out by a bunch of marauders led by James Earl Jones who sell the young Conan into slavery only for him to eventually gain his freedom (via being a gladiator) and he sets out on a quest to hunt them down for revenge aided by a rag tag of thieves and swordsmen.

The monosyllabic Conan is the ideal character for Schwarzenegger's acting style and the setting allows him plenty of time to show off his physique. He trails around the desert bedding women and fighting off the gang (who have now set up their own religious cult) who seem to have come dressed as a Slade tribute band (James Earl Jones' hair has to be seen to be believed.) There are plenty of sword-fights to keep him occupied and a surprising amount of blood gets spilled as e hacks his way across the landscape.

The only real negative point is that it's over-long and could have stood to lose half an hour or so in the editing suite which would have made it much punchier as it feels somewhat flabby at over two hours.