Review of Conan the Barbarian (1982) by James R — 18 Aug 2011

A group of warriors, lead by Thusla Doom (James Earl Jones), massacre a villiage, including the parents of young Conan, and enslave the young boy. Years later, when Conan has grown into a muscle-bound man (Arnold Schwarzenegger), he is taught the ancient arts of fighting, and escapes from slavery, meets up with thieves Subota (Gerry Lopez) and Valeria (Sandahl Bergman) and seeks vengeance on Thusla Doom.

Let's be honest here, Arnie isn't a good actor, but he manages to make up for it by playing roles which don't require a vast acting range from him, such as The Terminator, and Dutch from Predator. His role as Conan is one i'd rank up with the roles I previously mentioned, even if he did seem to get the role due to his muscled body.

Despite having a few kick-ass scenes, Valeria doesn't seem to develop further than as a love interest for Conan, Subota seems to be there as Conan's sidekick, but doesn't get much to do and there doesn't seem to be much for this character to develop. To be honest, I don't think any of the characters actually develop apart from Conan, who's journey you'll know as soon as you read the synopsis to this film.

The film has a large number of campy scenes that are fun to watch, from Conan's sexual encounter with a witch to a stoned Conan hitting a Camel. The fight scenes are filled with beheadings and blood galore, and are always fun and a pleasure to watch throughout this films running time. The landscape for the film is undeniably the best thing about this film. From the snow-dropped villiage to the desert location, it is a feast for the eyes and helps to make this fantasy film be better than it should be.

It did often feel like the film had cut a number of scenes throughout, specifically ones which developed the relationship between our characters. Conan meets Subota and two scenes later, they're travelling together like great friends. No invitation to travel together is extended, no development from them eating together to being the best of friends. Also, after sleeping together, Valeria admits to loving Conan in the next scene they're alone together, and it isn't many scenes after their sexual encounter. So either Valeria goes too fast into a relationship, or we were missing a number of scenes where these two characters who barely spoke to one another are apparently in love. This just seems to be two moments that didn't need to be fastly paced, especially as that movie's over 2 hours long. But thats not the end of the films pacing issues, as for the most part, the film seems to be slowly paced and moves sluggishly along throughout.

Conan The Barbarian is a slowly paced fantasy film that lacks in character development beyond Conan, but manages to be fun whenever it wants to be, especially whenever there's a fight onscreen.