Review of Colombiana (2011) by Brandon S — 20 Jul 2012

This movie was so predictable I felt like I had somehow become clairvoyant while watching it. If you knew your life and your families lives were in danger, would you hang around your house to pack and talk about how you might all die? Or would you flee in an instant, leaving every single thing behind in hopes of survival? Well, in Columbiana, the parents hang around to pack, talk about how much they'll miss each other, give away the cliched personal item to be remembered by all while essentially waiting for the killing brigade to show up and perform the inevitable.

That's the problem with this movie. Every single scene, every aspect of plot development, is so obvious that I already knew what was going to happen before it did. That coupled with contrived scenes of a little girl somehow outrunning grown, athletic men and even a motorcycle, all thanks to choppy editing, made the whole thing come off as a mile long train wreck that just kept on crashing scene after bad scene.

I really wanted to like this movie and I thought because Luc Besson was onboard as a writer it would be good. I was wrong. If you just want to see some hot chick running around with a gun, you'll even have to fast forward 30 minutes in to see that.

And even still, it doesn't make up for how poorly this film was written, directed and acted.