Review of Coffee Shop (2014) by Wyatt B — 29 Jul 2018

A less than great movie but I gotta say something and I don't know where else to say it: The secondary couple (with Donavan's sister and her boyfriend) is the most toxic relationship I've ever seen in cinema.

There were large chunks of the movie where the main reason I kept watching was to see the pair of them (especially her but him as well) get their comeuppance. I wanted them to break up with each other and then get coincidentally destroyed by a 5000 ton asteroid.

I wanted them to get sucked into a jet engine and pulverized. I wanted them to fall off a boat while wearing blood coated chain mail so they would get eaten by sharks as they drowned. I wanted them to get run over by a steamroller as it paved the parking lot.

I wanted for there to actually be arsenic in every goddamn cup of coffee they drank in the whole movie and for them to gratuitously and dramatically gag and keel over as they gasped for breath, the life draining from their eyes as Donavan and Ben stood over them, laughing maniacally at their foolish plans.

I wanted them to.