Review of Cobra (1986) by Max K — 24 Jun 2011

I'd never seen "Cobra". Missed the Cobra somehow. Crime is the disease and he's the cure. I like that. I like Sly. I thought Sly was awesome in this movie. Sly was working his Pacino-like eyes in this movie. And I know they "fell in love" in real life or whatever, but it might've been a mistake to cast Brigitte Nielsen in this movie. She's really tall and Sly is kinda small. There isn't much chemistry and they never get it on. She's not a very strong actress. And her jeans were very unflattering. It's amazing how unflattering clothes were on people back in 1986.

I like movies with lots of violent action. I enjoy good violence very much. It's cathartic. Watching bad people die in all kinds of crazy ways is fun. The plot of this movie is so-- there is no plot to this movie. It's about a bunch of demonic people who want to start their own world or something. And they have these meetings in Hell and they hold up axes and they kill women. And then they wanna kill EVERYONE who's weak, so their mission statement is totally whacked and in need of sincere focus. Poppy from 'Seinfeld" plays Sly's sidekick and eats a lot of candy in this movie. Wait, I think I'm giving away too much.

I was glad there was a big showdown fight at the end with Sly and the demon dude with the evil psycho-knife. That was awesome. I love when they're all sweaty and fighting and there's all this industrial stuff like hanging hooks and chains and lava and shit all around them as they fight and fight and fight. That always happens in these movies. Final showdown fights have to take place high up somewhere or around somewhere that's boiling over with industrial lava.

"Cobra" was so stupid but a lot of fun. It makes NO sense.