Review of Cobra (1986) by Jv A — 13 Dec 2011

Cobretti: Hey dirtbag, you're a lousy shot. I don't like lousy shots. You wasted a kid... for nothing. Now I think it's time to waste you! .

"Crime is the disease. Meet the Cure.".

What an awful fucking movie this is. Cobra has to be one of the worst 80's action movies I have ever seen. There is nothing about it that I liked or that was in any way good. Everybody involved is horrible. Everyone. I don't hate Sylvester Stallone, but damn his screenplay for this is shit and his acting is not much better. But the worst thing about the movie has to be how cool Stallone and director George P. Cosmatos think it is. You have bad guys clanking axes together, Stallone walking around in aviators with the nickname Cobra. He's tough, he doesn't take shit, he doesn't play by their rules. Oh my God, I hate it.

Cobra is a cop who does all the stuff no one else wants to do. He is ruthless and like Harry Callahan, plays by his own rules. He isn't afraid to kill the bad guys. There's a serial killer on the loose going by the very clever name of "Nightslasher." Give me a fucking break. So the whole movie is Stallone acting hardcore. He shoots a lot of people, there are car chases, he fucks a hot girl, and I sat watching, bored and completely irritated at just how bad the movie kept getting. It started bad, but it just kept growing exponentially in awfulness as it went.

Another noteworthy element that shows how godawful this is, is that everyone involves believes this movie to be so badass and just oozing in testosterone. Then they play the douchiest 80's songs they could find. That's the kind of music I love to hear from a movie that is all about ruthlessness and brutality. .

Do yourself a huge favor and don't watch this. Stallone made many, many bad movies over his career, but from what I've seen this takes the cake.