Review of Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986) by Paul D — 12 Dec 2013

When I first watched this movie, I was probably ten years old. My next door neighbor convinced his Mom to rent it for us, telling her it was just a harmless comedy. Boy was that putting it mildly. When I look back on my memory of the first time watching this, the thing that springs to mind is the catchy theme song. I mean it was gold compared to most movie tie-in music. The fact that they crammed the premise of the movie into a cheesy 80's rock song baffles and delights me to this day. The only other thing I remembered about the movie was boobs, and the hilarious grade F student Gonzo.

Well fast forward almost 30 years later and watching Nuke Em High again was like seeing a familiar friend after they had moved back into town after being away for so many decades. It is honestly one of the best of the bad cheesy horror/comedies from the 80's. The characters are almost cartoonish in their mannerisms and you can almost smell the toxic waste oozing from the school's campus. Within the first few minutes a student named Dewey goes Zombie on his peers after drinking green water from the water fountain. After he jumps out of a balcony window to his death, the movie's first of many one liners jabs you with wit; "Well that's one way to get out of class".

Warren Brandt, played by Gilbert Brenton, plays the token jock protagonist. Of course he has a hot girlfriend named Chrissy, played by the lovely and overlooked Janelle Brady. His wacky but likable friends round out the cast. The rivals of Warren's crew are known as "The Cretins", and they consist of names like Gonzo, Spike and Taru. This gang of punk rockers love to beat up the preps and sell pot that was grown at the nuclear power-plant right behind the school.

Needless to say, the radioactive cannabis makes some students go nuts, and Chrissy gives oral birth to a turd-shaped critter into a school toilet. The creature mutates and becomes a serious health hazard to students and faculty alike. Without going into too much detail, let's just say this monster of sticky proportions ends up bringing down the house in a nuclear meltdown that brings summer vacation to the kids a little earlier than expected.

This movie creates a great sense of anarchy, with scenes that are reminiscent of early horror flicks. The fact that there is a frickin' Nuclear Powerplant behind the school creates a constant feeling of suspense. If you are a fan of any other Lloyd Kaufman directed Troma films, then this will surely be at the top of your list of faves. Tromeo and Juliet, The Toxic Avenger and Class of Nuke Em high are all the best of the worst horror films and they don't pretend to be anything but. If you have no idea what a Troma film is, then you will probably want to stay very far away.