Review of Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009) by Jiana W — 16 Nov 2010

A movie about sideshow "freaks" should be a sure-fire shot, right? Should be interesting, exciting? Not so much. At least not when your main character is played by such a stale, uncharismatic stiff like this Chris Massoglia kid. Really. He recites his lines as if they have a cue card right behind the camera for him. I wasn't interested in watching him at all. Not to mention his character was so boring, even after he was made into a vampire. He hardly has any personality AND he's an idiot. Larten lets him know before he turns him what the consequences of being a vampire will be and after he's turned, Darren is still doing stupid things like trying to contact his best friend and refuses to drink blood up until the very end. The whole time I'm thinking, "This is the life you chose, dummy!".

Whenever the other sideshow performers were on the screen, that's when the boredom subsided and my interest was once again piqued. Any time it was just Darren, or Darren and Larten, any energy the film had (which isn't saying much at all) was almost completely sapped. There was just nothing interesting going on in this film. Even the climactic fight scene was a bore, and the introduction of the "monkey" girl's tail was pretty lame too. It should've been part of the story a long time ago instead of introduced 10 minutes before the movie's over. Geez. What a waste and a bore.

And I thought the movie adaptation of "Percy Jackson" was bad.