Review of Christmas with the Kranks (2004) by Logan W — 11 Dec 2014

Why are so many Christmas comedies grumpy? Ever notice that? It's like pop culture thinks the only way to generate laughs is by depicting characters who hate the holiday and by rousing that same hatred in the critics.

This one got maybe a slight grin out of me, but there's something heart-warming, yet bone-chilling about a Christmas crap-case. I relay Christmas movies to eggnog, yes it tastes bad, but you drink it anyways because of what it represents.

These thence become my secret movie shames. There is a residual affection I have reserved for several to most Christmas movies, even the downright horrible. They somehow starken the Christmas spirit for me.

They are a vital spark of Yule, although Yule not want to ever watch this more than once. All the "jokes" fall miserably flat. But oh what fun I have watching them despite what the 1 star implies.

From a critical standpoint: thumbs way down. From a Christmas lover: thumbs... well...neutral... Kranks specifically is a core member of my Christmas "trilogy of terror." This is a Christmas movie that is so ridiculously wrong-headed that they may as well be from Mars.

There is so much wrong about this movie, from the Mafia-esque neighbors led by Dan Aykroyd (who thinks he's outrageously funny but is really not at all) to Jamie Lee Curtis's sappy-sack has-to-be-seen-to-be-believed overbearing performance.

And the fact that the Kranks spent $6000 on only a day's worth of Christmas party-hoppers. Tim Allen's character passed out interoffice memos to his co-workers stating that he is not observing Christmas but he might as well just be announcing to his boss that he is NOT WORKING.

He stumbles upon a push-pinned flyer promising beach balls and babes for your ideal pie-in-the-sky Christmas furlough. This is just enough to catch Timmy's eye and snatch his money up after his socks got a little wet from the rain.

He pulls the plug on Christmas and all its bright lights including his silent curse, Frosty, and raises his sails for a weekend cruise. Storm blows through, aka his daughter's homecoming, and his cruise is abruptly canceled.

Oh no. I have to think the people behind Christmas with the Kranks knew they were making a lousy movie so they upped the awful content in some kind of sick game of one-upmanship for who on set had the worst ideas.