Review of Christine (1987) by Darren W — 19 Apr 2008

"Christine" the film, despite having been adapted from a Steven King novel of the same name, is no more horror than is "Herbie: Fully Loaded." (And both of those share more than a few similarities.

) For instance, "Christine," a red-and-white, 1958 Plymouth Fury, seduces the men who take its possession (before she returns the favor). Owner No. 1, Roland LeBay, had died in it long after his young daughter choked to death on a hamburger in the car, and then his wife, traumatized, apparently committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning; owner No.

2, Arnie Cunningham (Keith Gordon), a self-loathing nerd, spots it, purchases it and pours most of his hours into its restoration. While Christine's condition improves, so does Arnie's, as he grows cool and confident.

Though his transformation into LeBay doesn't transfer from King's novel, it's clear that he's not himself. In the beginning, this nerd loses his lunch and intact eyeglasses to a gang of bullies; post-Christine, his arm candy is Leigh, the hottest girl in school (a pre-"Baywatch" Alexandra Paul), he's gotten new threads and has ditched the glasses.

Plus he's really not afraid of that gang anymore. And there lies "Christine"'s identity crisis. The bullies -- who trash a shiny, fully restored Christine -- aren't fleshed out beyond their badass characterization; so when Christine chases and squeezes one hoodlum to death, then causes a service station explosion (and resulting fire-on-wheels chase-and-squash of the ringleader), we almost cheer for this unusual brand of vigilante justice.

(Viewers, in these instances, never really know if Arnie's behind the wheel of the blacked-out Fury, or if this wicked set of wheels is in control. After all, it can morph back to perfection after being trashed, and can follow its Arnie's commands.

) Either way, the majority of the film, given its tragic lead, presents "Christine" as the definitive film for hateful vengeance. (The humorous anecdote, of course, is the "Revenge of the Nerds" films.

) The Arnie we're introduced to is a down-on-his-luck schlub who, despite his shortcomings, is easily to relate to. This dork gets the car, gets the girl and changes the game -- and we root for him.

So when Christine takes a spin to seek revenge on the gang, we cheer. There is some suspense -- when Leigh almost chokes to death during a drive-in movie -- and creepy humor -- when best pal Dennis Guilder (John Stockwell) sneaks into the garage and nears Christine, the radio abruptly turns on and blares, "Keep a-knockin' but ya can't come in!" It all leads to the showdown between Christine and a bulldozer -- during which the question of whether Arnie's descent could drive him to murder (since each vehicular homicide prior, occurs in blacked out windows), is answered.

Despite the wacky premise, director John Carpenter and the actors (particular Gordon's chilling performances) make it work. But you can't help walking away thinking of Arnie, "What a waste.

" After all, the poor guy purchased Christine because, he tells Dennis, "For the first time in my life, I've found something uglier than me. And I know I can fix her up." But the one thing that brightens Arnie's spirits, elicits his eventual undoing.

Despite Christine, his "loser" fate is sealed. The end of the film even suggests that Dennis, the jock, gets the girl. Arnie, on the other hand, gets death for daring to dream. "Christine" is 111 minutes of revved up entertainment, but its prevailing message about the Everyman suggests he can't get ahead, or even win for losing.

Dennis suffers an athletic injury that diminishes his chances of ever playing football to nil, but he still wins a battle against the seemingly indestructible Christine, and gets the girl. It's either the typical 'good guy wins' or the more stereotypical 'nerd loses' routine.

If it's the latter, then a deconstruction might reveal that King and Carpenter created a fun film, but a social disservice. But whether that's too deep, make a date with "Christine," a film that's sure to make any of your automobile troubles seem trivial.