Review of Choose or Die (2022) by Octanenitro — 24 Apr 2022

Fall asleep? Or turn off the movie in confusion? Choose or cancel your Netflix subscription. The central premise of a cursed, text-based 80s game is pretty strong, and the first 10-20 minutes actually deliver some really intense, shocking scenes.

Then the movie just derails. Ignoring the fact that the central game has zero logic, explanation or consistency beyond "runes exist and do stuff", the movie immediately devolves into standard horror tropes we've seen a billion times before (OMG, supernatural force (TM) is using our plucky heroine's long dead brother against her!). The film's plot is also contrived and full of holes: where is the police after multiple people all but drop dead at the protagonist's feet? Who is the voice in the game? Why did the main character need to work in an empty building that just so happens to be the developer of the game? What purpose did this serve?

The movie's tone shifts so wildly from scene to scene that it leaves you with whiplash. One second our protagonist is being forced to watch a helpless waitress torture herself, the next we're.. talking about prizes and watching the main duo awkwardly flirt on the sofa? Nobody ever acknowledges the gravity of the situation or reacts appropriately, and it destroys any suspension of disbelief whatsoever.

The film's villains are also so utterly cartoonish and out-of-nowhere that they genuinely made me laugh out loud. Exhibit A: literally just some dude staring into a camera and laughing maniacally while spouting exposition. Exhibit B: that one guy from The World's End who is another victim of the game but randomly (and off camera?) becomes evil so the film can have a "thrilling" climax. Speaking of characters becoming evil, then there's the main character, who spends the entire film being terrorised by a supernatural force, only to immediately and gleefully become the wielder of said force with no second thoughts, hesitation or confliction. Yay?

Choose Or Die starts off with a glimmer of originality, only to turn into the most bland piece of low-budget, filler Netflix content you've ever seen in your life. It's a supernatural ripoff of Black Mirror with none of the societal relevance or tone that makes Black Mirror so effective. Avoid this one entirely, or better yet, play a game from the 80s that was actually made with care.