Review of Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011) by Eric R — 22 Sep 2011

DVD box art is everything. Slap the name STEPHEN KING on it and now you've got more than everything. Inevitably, of course, you wind up in the cinematic gutter with absolutely nothing (well, maybe a little blood from your ass).

But there are SOME good nothings. For example, NOTHING makes me happier than to see a withered, weathered, aging Billy Drago (Frank Nitti from "The Untouchables) portray a spooky desert rat preacher SO drowsily and drearily that you start to grandly guffaw out loud (and all alone) at the cold, corny realization that some sleaze from Dimension Extreme actually PAID this man some degree of pittance to do was he's actually doing on the screen. Namely, NOTHING.

Throw in some cheap sets, some spray-painted walls, a coupla corn husk crucifixes (or 12) and you arrive at yet ONE MORE nothing contribution to a low-end, creepy kid, horror franchise that's been dying slow death since it's conception (the short story all these films were based on was first published in the March 1977 issue of Penthouse! PENTHOUSE!!!).

I was (quite simply) corn-holed. And I only blame myself.