Review of Children of the Corn (1984) by Jenna P — 06 Nov 2015

My wife once told me that this was the scariest movie she had ever seen, so I was not looking forward to the experience. Oh boy, has this movie not aged well at all. Clearly my wife's fear was born in the fact that she was under 10 when it came out, because this movie is not even remotely scary.

It is trying hard to be scary but the frightening scenes are all attempting Hitchcock-style minimalism, where they leave the gore to the imagination, and they fail miserably at the attempt. The downfall of this movie is the acting.

There is not one good acting performance in the entire film, and I'm including Linda Hamilton. It doesn't help that 75% of the cast is kids, and good child actors are notoriously hard to find.

Line delivery is wooden and awkward, and no one is suited to the role they are given. The movie even starts off on a scene with some of the worst voice-over I've ever heard. The inclusion of the 2 good kids is pointless and makes the whole story kind of confusing.

Finally, perhaps the biggest missing link in Children of the Corn is any explanation of what is going on. It's like they just tell the audience "Things are creepy and kids are crazy, that's all you need to know!" The climax is horrendous because we never establish the identity of the nemesis, and then he is destroyed in some of the worst CGI ever captured on film.

The only enjoyment I got out of this movie was laughing at its unintentional goofiness.