Review of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003) by Haboosh H — 07 Jun 2009

I did not think this film was worth watching. From the beginning it sucked. The action sequences were pathetic and I couldn't even follow the plot. But when returning to this surreal, fluffy world where babes kickbox via inexplicable time distortion, and possess (for no apparent reason) super-human mastery over the most primary forces of physics, the filmmakers fell into every trap The Sequel Demons put before them. Most stunningly, perhaps, is that returning director McG and his cohorts now demonstrate very little comprehension of what made the first film such a sassy, jubilant movie-going experience to begin with. For all of its over-the-top bombast, the original installment was reasonably well-considered. This movie is scattershot, ADD-impaired, and irresponsibly impetuous by comparison. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is the date that tries way too hard. It's too nervous, too desperate to please. The playful, simple charm of the first film is replaced here by an almost pathetic desire to be noticed. Like an aggressive New Yorker, Full Throttle gets in our face, speaks loudly, and never backs down. It is in no way engaging, and it's unapologetically obnoxious.

The Angels are hired to locate a set of titanium rings stolen from the Department of Justice that, when put together in a special machine, will display a list of all individuals in the witness protection program. Having discovered that one person on the list has been killed, the Angels investigate the scene and discover evidence suggesting that the killer is a surfer with a scar on one leg. Having tracked the killer to his next victim - who is subsequently sent to Bosley's house for protection - it is revealed that angel Dylan was once named Helen Zaas and is in the program herself for sending her former boyfriend - a member of the O'Grady mafia family - to jail.

Although they recover the rings, Dylan leaves the Angels because she doesn't want to endanger them with her ex's vendetta, but former Angel Kelly Garrett - in a visit that may have been spiritual- reminds her that every Angel is unique, and her flawed past shouldn't define her present. Returning to the team, Dylan and the others deduce that former angel Madison Lee is the perpetrator of the crimes due to her being the only individual possessing the necessary contacts to carry out such a scheme. Madison, having concluded "Why be an Angel, when [she] can be God", having shot the Angels after reacquiring the rings, although they are saved by their specially-designed kevlar vests - returns to the agency to "confront" Charlie, rejecting his attempts to remind her that the Angels are a family and shooting his speaker off the desk, coldly sneering that she was always the best.