Review of Cell (2016) by Thequietgamer — 12 May 2017

The problem with the movie isn't it's cast (Most of whom give pretty good performances), the low budget, or even it's rather derivative zombie movie formula. It's the writing. This is a very unsatisfying adaptation of the book. The movie is at it's best when it's using scenes straight from the source material. This just doesn't happen very much at all. We see familiar bits and pieces along the way, but for the most part the movie largely does it's own thing, and poorly at that.

Those who have read the book will know that it wasn't your average zombie story. King infused the apocalyptic scenario with his unique sense of imagination. The "Phoners" were gifted psychic powers, connected by a hive mind, and led by a menacing Phoner of higher intelligence and a thirst for vengeance. The movie touches on those elements, but fails to use them to any satisfying results. They're just sort of there and only serve to confuse those who didn't read the book and tick off those who did with how ineptly they are handled. The plot itself is also only a hollow imitation of the real thing. I understand the obvious budgetary restraints would have prevented an entirely faithful adaptation, but they certainly could have done better than this. It follows the overall outline of the book's plot to a degree, but it's filled in with original moments. None of which are good. All the original stuff is just badly written, particularly where the dialog is concerned. It's all a mad rush to a crappy conclusion. The interesting and important bits are skipped over in favor of a whole lot of nothing. You want to know the really shocking part about all of this? It was written by Stephen King himself. He butchered his own book onscreen! Stick to the books King, because you just proved that you can't write a good movie. Now, I could have dealt with the less than faithful adaptation of the book provided the original stuff was good, but it's not. For my fellow fans of the book, I highly recommend skipping this one. It doesn't do the source material justice at all. As for those without knowledge of the book, but are hoping for a solid zombie flick, also look elsewhere. It's just a bad movie.

4.