Review of Cadet Kelly (2002) by Richard S — 13 Feb 2018

This was one of the most unique movie experiences that I have ever had because I have never seen a movie before that made me thoroughly despise the protagonist and actually sympathize with the intended antagonist. I only recommend watching this movie if you want that spellbinding experience of yelling at the protagonist for basically everything.

SPOILERS AHEAD (although you probably were not going to see it anyway...).

The movie starts out with our heroine and antagonist, Jennifer Stone (played by Christy Romano of such notables TV shows like Even Stevens or Kim Possible) doing her utmost to promote order and stability in a military high school. She takes a genuine interest in the success of her platoon who she orders about as required in the school guidelines. Our asinine protagonist, Kelly Collins, does everything possible to alienate and irritate our heroine. She flagrantly disobeys rules, does not put in any effort on the obstacle course, and tries to prevent our heroine from pursuing the co-captain of the drill squad. On the latter issue, Kelly goes so far as to ruin Stone's white dress when she is dirty from being forced to redo the obstacle course.

There is also an issue with Kelly's rainbow blanket, which she continues to display as a flagrantly defiant form of individuality in a military school. After giving Kelly an opportunity to put it away and never display it again, Stone finds the prominently displayed blanket and rips it up (where I would have burned the thing) in order to teach the resistant Kelly the proper behavior in a Military Academy. Kelly retaliates by sneaking into our heroine's room and painting her hair. Thankfully, this movie is set somewhere close to the "real universe" and our asinine protagonist is found guilty at a court-martial for insubordination.

Stone continues to show her hard work and dedication as co-captain of the drill team, where she is doing her utmost to rally her teammates to win the coveted regionals. Kelly mocks her by trying to do the same. At the climax, Kelly abandons the drill team on a hunch that her father is in trouble, leading our heroine to be the sturdy rock that guides the drill team through the required technical phase. (One wonders with Kelly's consistent poor form if she would have actually tanked the team had she been there.) Finally, Stone exits the film with grace, accepting Kelly's momentary departure and wishing her the success in school to become a platoon leader. She even manages to get Kelly's approval for a moment.

However, since the movie centers on Kelly, we get to watch her mistreat or misread numerous other people. She has frequent narrations that show just how out-of-touch she is with reality, such as when she is being berated by her stepfather (who is also the "principal" of the Military School) she remarks about how she thinks he will be a poor father. She abandons her friend, Carla Hall, the moment her much more fabulous New York City friend shows up and she uses bribery to convince Gloria Ramos to teach her the basics to apply to the drill team. In almost every scene with Kelly, I am rooting for every character to succeed other than her and to the extent that I may want Kelly to succeed, it is only because some other character (especially our heroine and antagonist) has something riding on the outcome and I don't want that character to suffer.