Review of Butter (2012) by Hunter H — 16 Feb 2014

"BUTTER"... Should have been called "SHUDDER"... because that's what I did... I was APPALLED by what I had just sat through... oh, where to begin...? I mean, I am being SO, SO generous on this one.

.. THE ONLY reason I'm NOT going any lower is because I STILL think AIRBENDER is WORSE... but when it comes to something like THIS... not by much. (Can you tell by this point that I HATED this movie? Guys, it is BAAAAAD.

.. it's SO BAD!) I mean, I REALLY HATED this movie! I COULD NOT STAND IT AT ALL! The tagline is "There's going to be a meltdown"... the tagline of this review (if I were to give it one) should be, "There already IS a meltdown" because I'm just getting STARTED.

.. so yeah, just come talk to ME about a meltdown! Before I continue with my rant, I just wanted to get this out of the way: when it comes to movies, it's pretty rare that one actually makes me ANGRY, let alone as much as I am right now.

If you haven't caught on with my reviews by now (as in noticed how good my ratings are), then you should know starting here that I am one of the more lenient types when it comes to movies, like some movies critics hate (like the majority of the Transformers movies (which I LOVE, by the way), Die Hard 5, etc.

) I actually at least enjoy them because THEY don't make me ANGRY, I find something about them that I really like, and that sticks with me. THIS one, I COULD NOT think of A SINGLE THING... NOT ONE! (AND NOW back to my Rant) As much as I shuddered at hearing what they did to embarrass Wolverine's fans with MOVIE 43 (which I actually found Richard Roeper's and Spill's reviews WAY FUNNIER than ANYTHING I saw of THE MOVIE.

.. from the entirety of the trailers and certain scenes on YouTube; I felt better doing that after deciding to pull a Neo and choosing to NOT see it in theaters), I was flat-out CRINGING as soon as I found out he was even IN THIS.

..! Between this and AIRBENDER, which left me horrified at what they had done to such a beloved source material, THIS is the lesser of two evils because it at least was something to fall asleep to. NO JOKE: I was ACTUALLY nodding off during this movie.

This was SO bad that I REALLY did feel like I would have rather watched MOVIE 43 for Hugh Jackman (OH, YEAH... I WENT THERE...!) and even WORSE THAN THAT, I ACTUALLY considered checking to see if TWILIGHT was on TV (I say THAT because Ashley Greene (who's also in TWILIGHT) is in this.

..! This is coming from a guy who's actually TRIED finding time to watch THE APPARITION... A COUPLE TIMES, no less... because it actually didn't look THAT bad... I ACTUALLY WANT to find time to watch IT EVEN MORE NOW.

..!). I was even shocked to see that Olivia Wilde decided to do this (well, at least I had seen RUSH a couple months prior to this, so I KNOW she CAN do (AND HAS DONE) a GOOD movie)... EVERYONE who's IN this movie, I feel so sorry for you.

.. I KNOW you can do better... I've SEEN you do better... well, at least MOST of you. DO NOT... I REPEAT, DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE! If you LOVE (or even REMOTELY LIKE) this movie (AND AIRBENDER, I should add), I want A FULL explanation AS TO WHY AND HOW you could POSSIBLY have that sort of feeling.

..! Also, I understand this movie was picked from some sort of "Hollywood Blacklist" (Don't believe me? Look it up)... that large slab of butter... rather than being used to sculpt, should have stayed in the fridge that was that Blacklist, and rather than picked up, should have been THROWN OUT like a moldy piece of food left IN that fridge for WAY too long because of the stench watching this leaves on you!