Review of Bleach (2018) by Brandon S — 15 Sep 2018

I can see how this movie might be a pleasant venue for someone just barely interested enough in Bleach to get into it. Or perhaps someone up for a single time thrill, no prior knowledge necessary. It certainly doesn't get into much, despite a very promising opening.

Instead, we get an "it's all about King Fisher" story. Apparently, that's why Rukia is here at all. That's why the casting choices are hit and miss--Byakuya's contrived elegence and refinement (totally unconvincing), Uryu is pencil tiny, Orihime looks nothing like her counter part, and wtf, Chad is part Mexican and supposed to be friggin' huge, and that's just for starters--character personalities are way off (i.

E. turning Keigo into a shameless dick, Ryuji's desire to protect Rukia never showing, etc); abilities and explanations given improper several times (quincies explained as exorcising hollows instead of destroying them, Yuzu can see and talk with ghosts/hollows, Ryuji is an another adopted member of the Kuchiki clan.

.. [quick side-trip to the bathroom to puke]); and just... the list goes on and on. On top of that, about half of the movie plays like a blasted Rockie training montage, so it honestly isn't going to be all that entertaining as a passing fancy either.

Please, just skip this one. You'll thank me later. For everything this movie does right, I swear it does at least three things wrong. Even the music sucks. I was expecting it to get a bit out there, and although the hollows were spot on and the final battles (yes, plural) amusing--not exactly accurate, but good enough--I still wouldn't have been at all surprised if Ichigo had managed to pull out his bankai right then and try to blow my mind to shreds along with Grand Fisher's guts right there.

Hell, it couldn't even be bothered to put Orihime's brother to rest. Yeah, it really is just that horrid. Could someone get me some reaper triage here? I need some, stat.