Review of Blair Witch (2016) by Casey T — 17 Sep 2016

I don't know how this film scored so high (in the double digits). I'll give you the full synopsis right here; no story, shaky camera is really shaky, close-up of feet, more shaky camera, unfocused floor, unfocused trees, annoying little dick white guy shrieking needlessly over and over. More screaming, fuzzy tree line shots, extreme close up of face, another foot fetish shot, extreme close up of floor (unfocused), and then random drone shot. When will this senseless "found footage" garbage genre die?

I don't know how stoner snow boarders can get crisp, clear, aerial shots while doing insane stunts using only GoPros and a $20 they got from RedBull; but this brain dead group of talentless idiots got picked up by a major production company could produce footage worse than what you'd get if you duct taped a VHS camcorder to a blind squirrel.

It scored better than Suicide Squad? Okay, crap movie, but it gets 3/5 stars default for the sound track and Margot Robbie.

The only soundtrack that accompanied Blair Witch is the 7 people in the theater chanting "please be over" in Gregorian rhythm. This overplayed, under delivered genre needs to die. Like now. Stop making this stupid shit. Should have gone straight to DVD and died right there.

I got my money back and I still feel cheated out of the 90 minutes of my precious life that I'll never get back. Lying on my death bed I'll muster my life's regret with my last breath "I could have had twin hookers in those 90 minutes I wasted at Blair Witch.".