Review of Blade: Trinity (2004) by Thequietgamer — 12 Sep 2018

Should've just gotten del Toro back. Writer of the previous Blade films David S. Goyer takes on double duty by sitting in both the writer's chair and the director's seat with Trinity. He shoots the entire thing like a total B-movie. It looks like the most cheaply made of the trilogy, despite having the largest budget of the three.

Wesley Snipes reportedly caused a lot of trouble during the shooting of the movie. Refusing to communicate with the director and other forms of erratic behavior. Which is probably why it feels like he was never onscreen with any of his costars other than the ones he was beating up in the action scenes. At least he still gives a good performance. I'd be willing to forgive him for an MCU reboot. Goyer, not so much. His writing kills the movie.

Who's idea was it to have a comic relief character? Don't get me wrong, Ryan Reynolds is funny, but this just isn't the movie for him. His penis jokes are a poor fit for the material. Also is it just me or is he in it more than Blade himself? What's so sad about this is that without him the movie would be nowhere near as entertaining as it is. As contradictory as this may sound and as out of place as his creative vulgarity feels, Reynolds is also the best thing about Trinity. I wouldn't have been able to sit through it without him.

The dialog in this is horrendous. It's made worse by the fact that something went wrong with the sound production. Everything in the first half of the movie sounds like it was recorded in a cardboard box, making it look like even the people onscreen who can act, actually can't. The plot is a whole bunch of nothing. The characters are underdeveloped and the interesting concept of having Blade face off against Dracula is squandered because Goyer never gives the villain any sort of presence. The running-time is padded out with a lot of empty scenes that are exemplary of the old criticism "all style, no substance.".

Trinity is also a tonal 180 for the series. These movies have always been a bit cheesy, but this one is just ridiculous to the point of stupidity. The interactions between the vampire cronies are laughable in the worst of ways. The stuff with the dogs feels like it's from some tragically comic version of Resident Evil. Why did Goyer add so much silly stuff?

Blade: Trinity is a mess. The plot is all over the place, the new characters are weak, the added humor is cringe worthy, and overall it just doesn't feel like Blade. Goyer proved himself unready for the task of both writing and directing at once. Delivering a product that is shoddy in both departments and was an unfitting end to one of the best pre-MCU superhero film series.