Review of Black Widow (2021) by Coalakomission — 17 Jul 2021

Wow. What an overrated yo-yo of a movie. Where to start...

If you're a Nirvana fan, then you'll be pleased to hear one of the worst cover songs of all time ruin one of the very few coherent sequences early on in the film. Thank goodness for Disney+ and the mute button.

Performances are great (but so were the performances in X-Men Origins... hmmm....) This is fact & undeniable. Everyone is perfectly cast and really do have fantastic character moments which take place in fun and heartwarming scenes that a neatly speckled throught.

But there's the problem. They're just moments. Small ones.

The real bummer issues are the story and the action.

Action. Almost every part of this is overblown and ridiculous.

What are Romanov's abilities exactly? Surving obviously fatal falls (apparently the writers hadn't seen Endgame) and explosions are, now. The general over-the-top ridiculousness from action sequence to action sequence don't necessarily feel like they're possible in any reality, which really affects believability in a story that attempts to be grounded. Sure, it's Marvel and you expect a certain level of death defying stunts, but this turns it up to 11 too many times.

In particular there's one old beat up vehicle that can either heal itself or all vehicles of this type can take hundreds of high calibre rounds whilst not skipping a beat. The sequence itself is bloated and the events are so unbelievably silly that saying it's plain dumb is being kind.

I've always said that any good film, no matter it's genre, should have an element of mystery. Black Widow attempts this in two ways and fails spectacularly at both. "Oh my - who is Taskmaster?" There's so many choices, no, wait up, there's only one.

Anyone familiar with the "twist" of Agent 13's true nature in The Falcon and The Winter Soldier will have flashbacks on this subject. A very heavy handed approach that may induce a groan in any audience member who finshed grade school. Pass or fail.

The other is the ending. Well, if it worked in Captain America: Winter Soldier (the movie, not the series) then why not do it again huh. Like EXACTLY like CA:WS. The big "gotchya" moment on the bad-guy is telegraphed so blatantly in the scenes leading up to the point that it's embarrassing. The fact that this reveal happens moments apart from the Taskmaster reveal honestly felt like a slap in the face.

Sure, there are other films that talk down to the audience, but when a double mystery-reveal this dumb happens it's hard not to laugh at the poor story telling on show.

There are more WTF moments in this film, but they venture into spoiler territory. Here's some non-spoiler clues for those who have seen it...

Terrific disguise.

Smells can be moved away from.

"Don't do it!!!" - do what, we don't know what those things are that she's holding...

On the run, on the run, on the run? Nah eff it.

All in all, despite the terrific performances, this is an action/mystery flick. For morons. It has zero re-watchability and for the most part the key points feel like a dumb guys attempt at being smart. The direction is middling. But everything else is standard Marvel fair ie. A perfectly acceptable production.