Review of Bitten (2007) by Jen G — 07 Feb 2011

I ran across this on Netflix; the icon for this movie featured a hot brunette (Erica Cox) vampire in a tank top. I was just bored enough and titillated enough to give this a try. What I got was way much more than I expected. For a low budget direct to DVD film that this is, surprisingly it is a very competent black satire on bad relationships from the modern misogynist man's perspective.

The premise features lowly paramendic Jack(Jason Mewes of Kevin Smith Film fame) who is despondent over his lonely situation after his girlfriend dumps him and the break-up aftermath is tumultuous. His only human contact is his perverted and cantankerous co-worker friend Roger (Richard Fitzpatrick), who spends equal amounts of screen time telling Jack he needs to get laid and excise himself of his girlfriends. But as much as Jack wants to listen to Roger, he is in desperate need of a sweet woman to want and need him. Enter Danika who he finds left for dead after a brutal attack by the dumpster of his apartment. She fits the bill, and then some, looking all kinds of hot in his ex-girlfriend's clothes (that's one way to purge the memory of your ex, aother would be said same girl kills your ex, but that's another story.) Anyway, Jack fall pretty quickly for her, and all might be well except for the fact that Danika is a vampire and all the baggage that that entails for a potential human suitor is inevitably too much for Jack to bear.

Thematically, this movie draws from the relationship loser guy perspective; you know, the guys are a mental mismatch for the manipulative assertive empowered females they seem to attract: guys who are weak when it comes to the fairer sex and make up for their lack of balls with a bunch of bravado about all relationships start out good, but eventually, the women poison the relationship and guys must be strong enough to cut bait and move on.

From this perspective, Jack is doomed in this exact situation, not so much because all women suck as Roger would have you believe, but a human having a vampire girlfriend is as good an idea as a human having a full-grown bear for a pet: someone's getting hurt, and it aint the bear. Satirical and sardonic comedy ensues as Jack meanders though this film with that warped Roger perspective, all along the way, Roger's words prove to be prophetic.

Erica Cox as Danika is delicious and dynamic walking around the film half naked with equal parts sweet and sultry, it's no wonder Jack falls for her so hard, he can actually rationalize the occasional body or two. Cinematography wise, the film has many excellent impact full moments, mostly on slow fade-outs between scenes. The one that got me the most (well, besides the one just before the end credits) was the one where Danika has just crawled onto Jack's bed for the first time and they sit there talking what seems like into the night as the promise of new love buds in front of our eyes. But we already know this love is doomed to fail horribly, and the camera pulls out slowly in Jack's apartment...the darkness from both the fade to black and the night around them slowly engulfs the scene...It really got to me.

This movie really got to me and I felt it was equal parts funny and tragic. Jack is equal parts unwitting victim and dipshit male who next time should hang with better friends, maybe a guy who actually successfully dates women and then he wouldn't behave like such a putz. Danika too just seemed to do the best she could, but you know, a vampire is still a vampire and you can't constantly put gin around an alcoholic and not expect them to take a drink at some point. What's funny really is that in this absurd scenario, the dipshits are right. Well done.