Review of Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006) by Doctor S — 16 Nov 2009

In the age of the internet, is there a genuine need for softcore porn anymore? Many moronic movie watchers mistakenly mislabel many, many films that show just an ounce of nudity and sex as "softcore".

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet is GENUINE softcore porn about lesbian space aliens from Aquaterra who, every so often, travel to Earth to pick up gallon and gallons (via milk carton) of man seed in order to take back home and keep the female population stable.

These new bikini girls stumble upon a University (where the same 5 students walk about in the background in every scene) where dimwitted slut Nicole Sheridan is busy earning extra credit (if you know what I mean).

Amidst this paper-thin plot, there are several, long and drawn out sex scenes that are slightly better (and more enticing) than your standard softcore porn. This may be due in part to nearly 90% of the cast being actual pornstars! Ok, so you got the perfect story, the budget, the talent, and the cameras; why not go the distance and just make a hardcore porn instead? I got suckered into this film thinking it was going to be campy fun, but instead, I got blue balls out the ass! Don't get me wrong, its mildly entertaining, but I honestly couldn't wait for this movie to end so I could just get on my computer and watch all these people fuck for real.

Don't be fooled by this Nicholas Medina fella; that's actually cult director Fred Olen Ray (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Evil Toons) calling the shots. While everything is perfectly covered for the most part, you can tell that there is one sex scene where the couple is CLEARLY fucking.

Can you guess which one?