Review of Big Miracle (2012) by Philip C — 07 Feb 2012

So the first time I saw the trailer for Big Miracle, within the first 29 seconds my first thought was âOh look, another movie thatâ(TM)s totally going to be based on a true storyâ¦â?. Then at the 1:14 mark it says âInspired by a true storyâ?â¦oh yeah who was right? This guy! And then I felt like an idiot immediately after, because I totally knew about this whole thing, before it was even a movie⦠I mean yeah it takes place in 1988 which was five years before my time, but itâ(TM)s still a big deal. So is Big Miracle a rousing and inspiring story of courage, or a predictable and very sappy family drama? Well itâ(TM)s both actually.

If thereâ(TM)s one thing I hate (well there are many things I hate), itâ(TM)s people that are pseudo-intellectuals. People that try to be smarter than they actually are really just grind my gears. But more than that, movies that are pseudo-intellectual are even more of an annoyance. So despite the oftentimes painfully on-the-nose expository dialogue and the ridiculously cheesy nature of this movie, I have to respect it, at least somewhat. In no way is it a pretentious movie that ever tries to be more clever than it actually is. Itâ(TM)s entirely saccharine and sappy the entire way through, but at least itâ(TM)s honest. Most of the movie is pretty weak and oftentimes feels dangerously heavy-handed in its execution, but its stubborn block-headedness somehow works in its favour to be at least somewhat inspiring.

The main thing that makes the film work at least somewhat is the charm of its cast. Director Ken Kwapis does something right in his assembling of actors: John Krasinski, Drew Barrymore, Ted Danson, Kristen Bell, Dermot Mulroney, Tim Blake Nelson, John Michael Higgins, Rob Riggle, Michael Gaston, etcâ¦While almost all of their characters are pretty weakly written and feel like they were done in a cookie-cutter style to just move the story along, these actors do what they can. Even a bad line or two, can be made better by a good actor. And not going to lie, I have a total man-crush on John Krasinski. Yes I said it, I have a serious man-crush on that man and I wonâ(TM)t deny it. But just so weâ(TM)re clear, Iâ(TM)m still totally straight. I like women, A LOT; Iâ(TM)m just very comfortable with my sexuality to be able to admit that. Hey, what can I say? Sometimes I think itâ(TM)s good to have a little transparency, and so this is me being totally honest and transparent. The power of a man-crush⦠So yeah this movie has John Krasinski in it. Heâ(TM)s in most of the scenes and his involvement was what made me moderately like the film, well most of it anyway. There was even a scene where heâ(TM)s playing Scrabble and makes a reference to Michael Douglas in Wall Street (1987). What? You have John Krasinski whoâ(TM)s one of my favourite actors ever, playing Scrabble which is my favourite game ever, while referencing one of my favourite 80â(TM)s movies ever. Did that actually just happen? Yes it did.

Gushing over John Krasinski aside, I do have to point out the movieâ(TM)s flaws. While yes CGI has made many great advancements in film over the past twenty years or so, and oftentimes works great, it can also take you out of the film when itâ(TM)s badly done. If CGI is done well, then you should never actually notice that itâ(TM)s there. The point of CGI is to give off the appearance that something is real, when itâ(TM)s not. This movie had many times and moments where its CGI was so shoddy, that it took me very much out of the film. Paper thing characters donâ(TM)t do much to help a film either. Most of the people really just feel like plot-devices and caricatures that are used to help move the story forward. So itâ(TM)s really weird when you see the news footage and clips at the end where it shows the real versions of the people in the film. You think: âReally? These were actual people?â?. I mean Iâ(TM)m sure that a few liberties were taken for these people to better fit a âdramatized version of eventsâ?, but still itâ(TM)s weird.

Like pretty much all âbased on a true story moviesâ?, Big Miracle is overbearingly predictable from start to finish. Itâ(TM)s kind of like watching Titanic. The film draws you in, even though you know exactly how itâ(TM)s going to end even before it begins. Even if you were to go in completely blind on the topic and knew absolutely nothing whatsoever about it, youâ(TM)d still know how it ends. The title of the movie even gives it away for crying out loud. And a small point, but I have point it out regardless: Drew Barrymoreâ(TM)s hair. Now Iâ(TM)m not one to be an expert on 1988, because I know Iâ(TM)m not. I was born in 1993, so I never knew the time period. Regardless, could they not have just fixed her hair? It was just so badly distracting the entire time. From its bad colour shades to the static bits sticking out, it just looked really bad. Now I mean hey, maybe that was accepted back then, but Iâ(TM)m sure they could have found something far more suitable. Surely, they could have.

As far as the plot of the movie itself goes, I really just want to point out one scene. So thereâ(TM)s a scene, that Iâ(TM)m sure was totally fictionalized for âcinematic purposesâ? for âdramatic effectâ?, because it was just so ridiculously stupid that no real person would ever logically try it. So in an attempt to heighten the tension or whatever, the âde-icer fanâ? jams up because itâ(TM)s too cold outside on the ice. So our band of intrepid heroes get another one to do the job. But because itâ(TM)s so cold they have to keep the fan running otherwise itâ(TM)ll freeze and die. But they canâ(TM)t keep the fan going while the helicopterâ(TM)s in the air because âtheyâ(TM)ll all die or somethingâ?, so they decide to bring the fan on while keeping ALL of the helicopter doors OPENâ¦Iâ(TM)m sorry what? So what youâ(TM)re saying is that if you have the fan on the ground too long itâ(TM)ll freeze. Right, okay. But if you keep it in an open helicopter at fast speeds beating crazy wind-chill, it wonâ(TM)t? So during this scene theyâ(TM)re flying through the cold night air in -50 degree weather or something to keep a fan working, while almost freezing to death because the doors are openâ¦Iâ(TM)m sorry, am I missing something here?

COULDNâ(TM)T THEY JUST FLY WITH THE FAN OFF, KEEPING THE DOORS CLOSED, THUS KEEPING ALL OF THE HEAT (OR WHAT POSSIBLE HEAT IS LEFT GENEREATED FROM ALL OF THE HUMAN BODIES) INSIDE OF THE HELICOPTER, THUS PRESERVING THE FANâ(TM)S ABILITY TO WORK? THEN WHEN THEY LAND, OPEN THE DOORS AND USE THE FAN, BECAUSE ITâ(TM)S BEEN KEPT WARM, THE ENTIRE TIME. Well at least thatâ(TM)s better than keeping the doorâ(TM)s open. It gets so cold in there that the pilotâ(TM)s left eyelid is frozen shut, so John Krasinski has to lick his eyelid to keep it openâ¦yeah it was that weird and stupid. Oh wait, theyâ(TM)re doing a bit. So like in a very dramatic and life-threatening situation where everyone could potentially and very well die, they shove in a moment of very-forced awkward humour to alleviate the tension. In a very dramatic scene thatâ(TM)s supposed to be intense, they put in comedyâ¦Seriously, who writes this stuff?

Big Miracle is a film with many noble intensions, has its moments, and my man-crushing on John Krasinski made my enjoyment of the film far more than it otherwise would have been, but I canâ(TM)t escape the feeling that the film really just would have made for a much better documentary. Hence all of the solid documentary footage that they used in the film. But it would only be a valid documentary if it were narrated by Morgan Freeman of course.