Review of Beware! The Blob (1972) by Chester M — 07 May 2008

When I first stumbled across this movie, I was surprised to find out that "The Blob" had a sequel I'd never heard of. Now I know why I'd never heard of it before--this movie is godawful. And not in a good way.

"Beware! The Blob" is full of immensely stupid, annoying, and unlikable characters, music that sounds alternately like something you'd hear on a carnival midway, a Warner Bros. cartoon, or a light jazz station in hell, and a plot so riddled with holes, you'd think moths got to the screenplay. If I had a dollar for every time I nearly yelled "SHUT UP!" to the insufferable, aimless rantings of the characters on screen, I'd be sitting rather pretty. But about those plot holes...

How did the container holding the blob sample just spontaneously pop open? Why did the blob eat Chester, but not the leather chair he was sitting in? Leather is organic too, and presumably the blob can eat cows, right? When the two teens who know what's going on desperately need to find the sheriff, instead of calling the police station, why the hell do they go looking for him at the FREAKING BOWLING ALLEY?! And how did the--then rather large--blob not manage to shake their car when it plopped down on top of it? And why was it INSTANTLY chased off the OUTSIDE of the car, when one of them accidentally turned on the air conditioner? (In a scene shot so poorly, I had no idea what exactly happened until it was referenced later.) This movie ANGERS me! >_<.

The only reason I gave it 1 star instead of a half, was because there were a smattering of MST-able moments. Not nearly enough to make it worth watching, but they were there. Unless you're a glutton for punishment (or can manage to make more jokes than I could about a parade of random characters, most of whom get killed within 2 scenes of being introduced), avoid this movie like the plague.