Review of Beowulf (2007) by Zachary G — 21 Jan 2012

Keep in mind that I am a literature nerd. So, even though I already knew they would butcher the story... I'm still kinda pissed.

The effects are amazing, of course. The dragon was FREAKING AWESOME! And a really cool character that deserved some freaking depth other than his stupid random appearance just because Beowulf got hold of the golden horn. Whoopty doo.

The story is subtly interesting. And by "subtly interesting" I mean?not really at all.

The acting is crappy and the dialogue is cheesy and clichà (C). Example: "Many young men have come to taste my husband's mead." I thought she said meat. That was a funny moment.

I've never been a fan of Malovich and is boring yet quietly amused way of speaking in every movie. I only like Anthony Hopkins when he's a bad guy, not an animated drunkard. The queen was played by "Jenny" from Forrest Gump, and either she can't act or the animation did no justice to her facial features. She had the same face the whole time. Ray Winstone?who the crap is that? Whoever he is, I didn't like him.

Brendan Gleeson brought a small ray of sunshine to the film as some nice comic relief; he was a sturdy and loyal character who I respected.

Umm...what else? I would add so much more that I disliked about the film, but I?ve written far too much already.

The story was composed of unnecessary (and not even that good) sex jokes, which could have been a lot funnier at least. It's basically about not getting seduced by beautiful women, that you should kill everything that's ugly, women back then were whores, gaining fame by seducing women and killing ugly things, and?making a bad movie that will become extremely overrated.

It just kinda blew.

Crispin Glover was cool. But his speech impediment was ridiculous.