Review of Beowulf (1976) by Jordan N — 29 Aug 2012
Go ahead and butcher the source material, but at least be different in a way that is mildly interesting. The look of the film felt a bit quick by any standards, and for a movie that was all CGI, the graphics were embarrassing. The cinematography was entirely composed of shots that did a bad job of hiding that they existed solely because you couldn't do them with typical camera set ups (Don't mind me while I slide out this solid cottage wall and straight into THE SKY. Notice how we just flew THROUGH that tree. Whoa! Check it, that rock just fell AND split RIGHT ON TOP OF US!).
No memorable lines, though there are a host of annoying and unrealistic ones. Grendel looks like a Crazy Bone with Gollum's body and the brain out the ear that serves as his weak spot is obtrusively grisly.
Inversely Grendel's Mother is an uninspired naked Angelina Jolie Barbie Doll generated from some weird misogynistic late night in the writing room that replaced what should have been a fearsome creature in the original text with a dimensionless character that serves a boring, unlikely and senseless plot twist.
At the expense of some kind of Polar Express reference, this was a trainwreck in more ways than I thought possible from Zemeckis and Gaiman.
This review of Beowulf (1976) was written by Jordan N on 29 Aug 2012.
Beowulf has generally received positive reviews.
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