Review of Baywatch (2017) by Mayank A — 03 Apr 2018

You won't burn in the sun, your money will.

BAYWATCH.

Baywatch finally came out in my country (in a more suitable month) so... It's a sunny day on the self-referential and adrenaline fueled bay. So lifeguards are out to watch as a drug trafficking scheme unfolds. This movie's poor imagination starts with this weak plot. Wait, no! This movie's poor imagination starts with the scene you've already saw in the trailer, that's how it's done! Then you just wander and wonder through 2 unnecessary hours of people who had too much money on their hands and not enough brains to manage it well. One of the first scenes is a torrid one, with the most boastfully atrocious CGI I have seen in quite a while, without an ounce of reality of grounded thoughts in it. You know, when I say that a comedy is bad my friends usually shrug it off saying "oh, you don't like that kind of comedies". Well, if those comedies are the kind that have crappy direction, lackluster performances, unfunny lines of dialogue, convoluted plot and no sense of fun, then no! I don't like that kind of comedies. The original Baywatch series sure wasn't a masterpiece but it a sense of camp has been attached to it over the years. This film doesn't take advantage of the campiness, it mournfully takes itself too serious but it contradicts itself with puns and self-aware references. And of course there are cameos from the Baywatch series, that's no surprise! When was the last time you even saw David Hasselhoff on tv? However, I did enjoy the fact that they worked out a cinematography specially crafted to highlight the blue in Zac Efron's eyes! (do get the irony, please). This movie is a failure in almost every way but it's biggest sin is its existence, as there wasn't even that hyped. So stop making reboots no one asks for! Or at least when you make them, bring me something new. Like, a good comedy for once, what do you think?