Review of Baywatch (2017) by Schnitzelpoof — 16 Mar 2018

I came to this movie expecting some light jokes - nothing cerebral, but with lots of "fun in the sun." In that department - the only one where it should have delivered - it didn't. The humor was on par with American Pie, save for a few wisecracks about how the lifeguards in the original series went above and beyond their job description.

I'm not sure who thought Baywatch needed a racist black cop. Is that a mandatory quota to fill in Hollywood comedies nowadays? Our good friend The Rock also made it quite clear that only the best of the best were eligible to join the Baywatch team - not even Olympic gold medal swimmers are good enough, unless they prove themselves.

Which is why this elite team proceeded to hire more weak females, that could not pull a drowning pet turtle out of an aquarium, and an overweight guy, whose only talent was getting boners in front of crowds, because "he has heart.".

Now, I don't know about you, but I'd just love to drown knowing that the man who was in charge of helping me had so much heart, he died of a heart attack when attempting to reach the water.

Personally, I'm not a Baywatch fan, but the entire premise of this film is so inconsistent with the source material, let alone its own claims, that I couldn't just sit back and enjoy it.

In summary, utterly mediocre, and still somehow manages to insult the viewer at the same time.